We All Have Our Blind Spots

 

We all have our blind spots. What does this mean? Taken from The Book of Forgiving by Desmond Tutu and Mpho Tutu, it means "we all have moments when we behave without thought to peoples feelings....we often unwittingly hurt each other".  In the book Mpho talks about how, "it is an incredible gift to have a friend who will lovingly hold up a mirror to my blind spots...lovingly does not necessarily mean gently or painlessly...."

We should all have those friends that can lovingly hold a mirror to our blind spots. I am so lucky to have a couple of those friends. It is so very interesting to me that the friends who I love the most, are the ones we have had arguments, disagreements and misunderstandings. It seems in every cherished relationship, it is the ones that you go the deepest with that you have the most reward and depth. Every time you make it through the ruff patches and talk honestly, it seems the friendship becomes more incredibly real and valuable. Brene Brown refers to it as "the rumble" in her books.  I am lucky to have three friends that I can rumble with. Thank you Judy, Carol and Fran! We have all shared moments when we hurt each other and talked through  it. We have all shared the squishy parts of ourselves that were hurt by what the other said.

But let's be honest, you can only have those people in your life if you CHOOSE to hear what they are saying despite the fact that the mirror shining brightly on you may reveal some things your really don't want to look at. It may force you to examine parts of your life, your values, your mental status and actions that aren't very pretty to look at. In those moments, you have a decision.....do you shut down and get angry and defend yourself? Or, do you realize that these people who you know love you wouldn't be saying a word if they didn't love you. If you think the person holding the mirror has any easier of a time than the person getting the reflection, you couldn't be more wrong. Most often they have agonized and rehearsed every word they were going to say to you...or you to them.

How many people WANT to go to a friend who they love and hurt them my shining a light on the vulnerable parts of their life?  Let me clue you, if they want to, run fast .... very fast because they aren't your friend. It's the friend who actually has the guts to say something knowing there may be fall out, that really loves you. They do it knowing they may hurt you but they do it because they want so much more for you.

It's a true testament of strength both by the person shining the light and the person receiving the reflection. It's a test of your strength to be able to really look at the reflection and start to examine yourself. If this person has shown you nothing but love for many years and you find yourself running away from the conversation, not admitting the truth to yourself, note even willing to look closer at it....the chances are what they are telling you is hitting home. 

The journey has been rough over the years but the journey has been so full filling. As I heal in ways I never imagined, I am so incredibly thankful for my friends that shined the light on me. It is astounding to me how I am now able to carry the torch and speak truth to others. I realize now that sometimes you are holding the flashlight for others so they can find their way....waiting for them to be strong enough to hold the flashlight themselves.